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I know why. He's just looking out for us. He doesn't want us to turn into a bunch of druggies (Jeff Hardy), cowards (Rey Mysterio), or violence condoning horrible human beings (John Cena)! This sentiment was probably put best by Mario of the POW (...and I quote):
s so bang on it's not even funny (it is though because I laughed). Or, to Natalya: "Did one of the Harts just call me crazy?" Or when he kept reprimanding John Cena for his actions. Even when he went "what is going on?" during the fat joke battle, because when he wonders that aloud, I fully believe it's just the truth and he doesn't know what's going on, as if he's an old man that just stumbled behind the booth and put on a headset.
- CM Punk's attack on John Cena. He was going off on him on commentary for so long that when he finally clobbered Cena with that chair, I felt pretty damn satisfied. His reasoning for it (as mentioned above) is genius, and 100% logical. This feud is going to dance in my dreams like visions of sugarplums for hopefully MONTHS.
- The Austin crowd. They were losing their shit the whole night. I can't stress enough how much more fun it is to watch any wrestling show when the crowd is throwing Cody Rhodes' tantrums of joy for everything that happens.
- Daniel Bryan vs. William Regal. Just seeing these two guys walk out to the ring erased the fact that I just watched Alicia Fox and Melina tickle each other for three minutes. What followed was a fantastic match that saw holds and exchanges (European uppercut trading? Mat wrestling? COME ON BAYBAYY) that Monday Night RAW has maybe NEVER seen. What followed that, however, was such a weird scene. So we saw a brilliant, rough, technical bout between a mentor and his pupil, followed by a man being mouth raped by twins with Michael Cole shouting "kiss them! kiss the girls!" into his headset like a horny freshman. ... weird.
- Randy Orton speaking like wrestling's Christian Bale. He can be so breathy and creepy and low-voiced, and pervertedly interested in the WWE Title. I love it.
LOFL AT THAT CENA WALKING SEGMENT. Accepting flowers, giving them to some girl, taking a drink of some drink, CM Punk going "FLOWERS?!" - why is this RAW so awesome?! Is there a gas leak in here??!?!
- John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler. GREAT match with a crowd that was rioting throughout the entire thing, thanks Vickie Guerrero drawing more heat than maybe ever before. Vickie Guerrero heat might actually real life scientific heat within the building it's so intense. Lawler and Cena were slaying with their fat jokes (let's all laugh at the fat girl!), and Punk's frustration was boiling under his skin. The actual match itself was awesome, and not unlike the Cena/Swagger match that happened some year or two ago on RAW when Swagger was ECW Champ. The action was totally different, but it felt so similar to me in that Cena was taken to the limit by a young guy on the cusp of the main event.
- Part of me is starting to love that Sheamus thinks everything is pathetic.
- Main event six man tag. I don't know what it is, but I love watching 61 year old Jerry Lawler wrestle. I also love watching Randy Orton Angle Slam people, and you can feel people in attendance go... "Angle... slam? hurr?".
- I could go on and on, but really, I just had a fun time watching this show, which is all I ask from the thing that so often take's out it's wiener and slaps me in the face for liking it.
Cena dancing and singing. I wish they just cut to the The We Hate Cena guy nodding knowingly.
- HAHA WTF. I think we needed some kind of identifying word in there. "As far as tonight is concerned… The King is DEAD. LONG LIVE THE … KING!!"
- I would say I hated John Cena's comedy routine tonight, but I can't. Because it's all a part of what fuels CM Punk's rage against Cena (much like the rage much of the IWC feels when Cena does his goofy shtick). He's either insufferably goofy or filled with preacher-voice violent rage. And CM Punk is here to put a stop to all of that. Fucking. Sweet.